


A Force to be Reckoned With

by Audrey_Lynne



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars - The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Guilt, Internal Monologue, Memories, Mother-Son Relationship, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Things weren't always terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 19:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13038054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Audrey_Lynne/pseuds/Audrey_Lynne
Summary: SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI.Before he was Kylo Ren, menace to the galaxy, he was Ben Solo, Leia's precocious son.  As Leia finds herself in a predicament, she thinks back on memories of those times, when everything wasn't terrible.  Or: Leia's thought process during a significant scene in the movie.  (Summary intentionally vague to avoid spoilers.)





	A Force to be Reckoned With

**Author's Note:**

> So...this is my first Star Wars fic, how 'bout that. But it was my DREAM to see Leia actually use the Force onscreen, and I got that. As for the movie - I loved it. I cried. I cheered. I started writing a very different fic from this one - which is still coming - but then I kept thinking about Leia's thought process during this scene and this is what happened instead.

 

* * *

 

Leia had to think fast and make instinctive decisions at many points in her life, but never like this.  The moment the explosion had hit, there hadn’t been time to think.  And now…it felt like time had stopped.  And her first clear thought was hardly what she’d expected it might be in such a situation.

Space was really, really cold.

Obvious, perhaps, as the first crystals of ice began to form on her nose.  They’d only progress from there.  It felt like hours, but hadn’t it only been seconds?  Time had no meaning anymore.

This wasn’t how she’d planned to die.  It was so pointless.  So sudden.

Then, it felt like most of the deaths she’d endured in her time had been, so maybe that was fitting. 

 _Mommy._  

A memory.  Maybe a hallucination at this point.

_Mommy, come on.  You can do it!_

Ben.  Four years old.  Still innocent.  A rogue, like his father – so charming and playful.  Nothing like the murderer he’d become.

_Mooooooooooooommmmmmyyyyyy!_

Ben knew that with the right smile, Leia could deny him almost nothing, and he shamefully exploited that at every opportunity.  He’d come into his Force-powers early, which had delighted Luke and concerned Han.  As for Leia?  She’d been cautious, but hopeful.  The balance between them.  She’d been so certain that with the right amount of parenting _and_ training, it could work out.

Boy, had she called that one wrong.

_Mommy, just do it._

It wasn’t a request at a certain point.  Ben had been a little dictator sometimes.  And, finally, Leia had indulged him.  She’d reached out as she’d seen Luke do so many times and tried to levitate the teacup.  She was no Jedi, but the power was within her somewhere.  Luke had _begged_ her to train sometimes, to see just how much potential she had.  But hadn’t Yoda said _he_ was too old, so many years ago?  And she was exactly the same age.  No, thank you.  It was enough to be able to sense the ones she loved – and sometimes even that was a curse, but she tried not to dwell on that part. 

And, despite everything, it was a curse she wouldn’t have traded.

_Mommy.  You’re not trying hard enough._

He sounded almost cross about it, and so Leia had sighed and tried a little harder.  The teacup had rattled against its saucer.  It was enough to placate him for the time being.

_Mommy._

_Mommy._

_Mommy._

Ben hadn’t called her that since he was seven, when he decided he was far too grown up for all that and went through a phase of calling her “Mother.”  It was adorable, at the time.  “Mom” had settled in and become comfortable until he was eleven, when she’d sent him off with Luke finally.  Maybe she should have kept him longer, and when he’d come home on holidays, she wouldn’t have been “Mother” again.  It wasn’t as cute then, because something was brewing in him. 

 _Mommy._  

She’d heard it again from his lips, a sarcastic sneer, when he’d been a teenager. 

Once Kylo Ren had taken over, he only ever called her by her name.

_Mommy, come on._

How long had she been here, anyway?  It only took about ninety seconds to die in space, and it felt like so much longer.

_MOMMY._

Fine, fine.  Giving in again.

Maybe if she’d been firmer about a lot of things, she’d still have her Ben.  And Han, since presumably Ben _wouldn’t_ have killed him.

Kylo Ren had killed Han, not Ben Solo.

_MOMMY._

Her fingers twitched, and she sighed.  With all her thoughts, past and present, crashing together, she had no idea what she was reaching for this time.  A teacup?  A toy?  A ship.

Electric energy filled her as she reached out and, yes, this time she was going to do it for sure.

_That’s it, Mommy._

Once, she’d gotten Ben’s favorite stuffed bantha a full inch off the floor.

_You’ve got it now, Princess._

That was Han, laughing as he guided her fingers over a control panel.

_The Force is a mysterious thing sometimes, Leia._

Luke, being painfully obvious.

_General, it’s a damn shame you don’t fly one of these things._

Poe.  Sometimes it felt like he could have been her son, too.  He certainly had a lot of Han in him.

Flight.  The Force.  Past and present.  It all crashed together.  And she was doing it, willing herself toward that ship because, no.  This was _not_ how she died.

_Not today, gentlemen._

That was her, all her, electric energy and determination and something else she couldn’t identify.  And as consciousness fled her, the mission finally complete, she had one final thought.

_Why should I let my boys have all the fun?_

 

 

 


End file.
